A Catalan Christmas

Human Highlighter Suit Tally: 10

I think it’s high time y’all learned about Christmas in Catalunya.  I can tell you about it, but I cannot explain it fully.  Poop plays a pretty big role in the holidays here; in fact, it’s ubiquitous.  First off, it’s quite common to have a crèche as part of one’s holiday decorations, a nativity scene that includes all of the usual suspects—kings, shepherds, wise men, the whole nine.  But here in Catalunya, the scene also contains a special guest—the caganer.  Caganer basically means “pooper” in catalan.  Traditionally, the caganer is a figure of a peasant who crouches, pants down, somewhere in the scene, a big duty right under his butt (all of the traditional caganers I’ve seen are male).  As far as I’ve been able to gather, the caganer brings good luck.  Why poop?  Well, given that the traditional ones are farmers, it has something to do with the cycle of life—eating what comes from the earth and then the waste returning to the earth.

The plaza in front of Barcelona’s town hall is home to a very large crèche—everyone says you have to go and see it.  When John and I went the other day, a tinny version of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” warbled from a set of ancient speakers.  In 2005,  controversy about the appropriateness of the caganer caused it to be ousted from the city nativity scene—Barcelona had recently launched a campaign against public defecation and urination, and I guess having the caganer there in the city hall plaza seemed a bit hypocritical.  Many Catalans viewed his removal as an affront to Catalan traditions, and a “Save the Caganer” campaign was launched, resulting in the return of the caganer in 2006.  I walked around the nativity scene in order to find him and, sure enough there he was (see photo below).

John and I walked from the plaza to the Christmas market in front of the cathedral.  Vendors there sell fresh greens and poinsettas, nativity scene components, and crafts.  If you have a crèche at home, you are likely to buy the pieces individually rather than an entire set.  This allows you to pick out the specific Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, etc. that you want.  And, of course, the caganer.

Entire kiosks in the market sell nothing but caganers, and these days you can buy not only the traditional peasants, but also figurines of famous people assuming the traditional caganer pose.  “Look!” I said to John who, in another lifetime, went to seminary, “you can buy a pooping Pope!”  “Where?” he asked.  “Right between Hilary Clinton and Sarkozy,” I replied, pointing.  He declined.  We found Obama, Spiderman, the Dalai Lama, and several star soccer players.  See the photo of Queen Elizabeth, below; those things that look like chocolate donuts under her butt are poop.

The origins of the caganer, and of the practice of placing him in the nativity scene, are unclear.  Some say it represents fertilization of the earth.  Others say that Jesus is God manifest in human form, and there’s nothing like a little shit to remind us all of our humanity.  Yet another interpretation maintains that it’s about equality—no matter what your race, color, or creed—you poop just like everyone else.

The second important poop-related Christmas tradition is the Caga Tio, which means “poop log.”  These little oddities are logs dressed up with faces and hats (see the display of them at the market, below).   Starting December 8 and until Christmas, the children of the house are supposed to take care of the caga tio, covering it with a blanket each night and giving it something to eat each day.  When you buy one, you also get a stick and, on Christmas Day, the children beat the log with the stick while singing the following song:

caga tió, caga torró, avellanes i mató, si no cagues bé et daré un cop de bastó. caga tió!"

poop log, poop turrón, hazelnuts and cottage cheese, if you don't poop well, I'll hit you with a stick, poop log!

giving log, give us treats, give us sweets! if you don't want to give, I'll hit you with a stick, give it up!

An alternate version goes something like this:

caga tió, tió de Nadal, no caguis arengades, que són massa salades caga torrons que són més bons!"

poop log, log of Christmas, don't poop herrings, which are too salty, poop turrón which is much better!

log, log, giving log, don't give us herrings, they are too salty, give us treats, give us sweets!

The stick-beating is supposed to get the log to poop out presents.  The CT does not poop out large presents (those are brought either by the wise men or by Papa Noel), but rather nuts, candies, sometimes dried figs.  The denouement happens when the Caga Tio poops out a salt herring, a head of garlic, an onion or "urinates".   I guess it’s something like the grand finale at the July 4 fireworks.

Milo checked our Caga Tio this morning just to make sure there weren’t any gifts yet.  There were not.

We asked a Catalan friend about the proliferation of poop here at holidy time; she just shrugged and said, “Well, Catalans are a rather scatological bunch.” In fact, Wikipedia tells us that one popular Catalan phrase before eating says "menja bé, caga fort i no tinguis por a la mort!" (Eat well, shit strong and don't be afraid of death!).  Indeed.

I swear to you that every word of this entry is true; I could not make this up.  And, if you promise to care for and then beat you Caga Tio and sing to it on Christmas Day, I’ll express mail you one so that you don’t miss out on the fun.

PS--the photos below are courtesy of John Green